sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
