Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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