is your mom at the bar?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
