omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
