So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
