he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
