im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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