Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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