dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
