I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
