you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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