So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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