If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
