she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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