apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
