take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
