So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
