A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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