Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
