highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
