ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
