FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
