She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
