Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
