: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
