i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
