If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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