im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
