It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
operation harelip BJ is a go
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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