So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
