You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
