I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
