WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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