im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
