so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
