I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
