lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
