My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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