You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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