You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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