after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
