why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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