I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude i'm inner monologue high
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
