god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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