Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
