I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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