Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
