Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
