bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
