My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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