I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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